There have been a few reports on citing in rugby recently. A comment on one of the reports said that soon players will be cited for looking lustfully at the cheerleaders as they run onto the field.

This got me thinking about citing and on field penalties of the future and came up with this list. I am sure you can add a few yourselves.

"Hey Ref what was that for?"
"Don't come that with me I saw you check the scrum half skeef."
"Hey Ref what was that for?"
"Ruffling the hooker's hair."

In an unprecedented move by the citing commissioner the entire Aussie commentary team were cited for Ear Abuse. One citing commissioner described their commentary as "like listening to someone with long nails raking a blackboard." A South African fan commented that "It was like listening to Simon Cowell insult your team for an hour & a half!"

"Hey Ref what was that for?"
"Because you were thinking of kicking the ball."
"But that's not against the rules is it?"
"No it isn't, but I thought I would save you the trouble and hand possession over to the opposition right away."

In an unprecedented move by the citing commissioner the entire All Blacks team was cited by their mothers for sticking their tongues out during the Haka. Speaking on behalf of the mothers Mrs McCaw said "I told Richie that I did not teach him good manners for nothing and that he wasn't too old to spank. I am also not sure what they chant while doing the Haka and depending on what the translation reveals they may be in further trouble."

"Hey Ref what was that for?"
"Biting."
"But ref everyone bites their gum guard!"

In an unprecedented move by the citing commissioner, the referee for Saturday's game between South Africa and Australia was cited for giving far too many frivolous penalties and two sending offs to the Australian team. The referee was exonerated at the hearing when it was discovered that he was suffering from a rare disease which caused him to see green as yellow and yellow as green.

In an unprecedented move by the citing commissioner, the South African coach was cited for calling himself a clown. The commissioner said that if the Aussie TV Presenter had to apologise for calling him a clown then the coach should have to be censured himself for doing the same thing. The hearing was abandoned when the coach entered the room wearing white face paint, a huge red nose and a green and gold wig.

Over to you...

Contributed by RIC007WP